10 Ways to Correctly and Effectively Shame People!

FatShaming

Preamble: There are constantly articles and images being posted to facebook about women’s body image (and maybe men’s, but who cares?) and how they’re “shamed” inadvertently (here’s one: 10 WAYS WE BODY SHAME WITHOUT REALIZING IT) or treated incorrectly. It’s not really in our wheelhouse (comedy), but we’re passionate about people and making the world better, so we wanted to respond with effective ways to actively shame people correctly!

10 Ways to Correctly and Effectively Shame People!

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else was to be indifferent to that difference.” – Al Capp

1. Say Things Like, “You’re Nothing More Than a Product of your Cultural Environment…”

Have you ever heard someone utter an almost insane phrase like, “But she has such a gorgeous face, if only she didn’t have all those piercings and tattoos” or “She has such a gorgeous face, but it’d be prettier with piercings and tattoos” or “She has such a lovely pair of breasts, but I like a girl with a bigger butt” or “She has a great body, but I like someone with a darker complexion and/or less acne”?!  All of these opinions and preferences are just reactions to cultural stereotypes in the media! You can (and should) tell (by yelling and screaming in their face) whomever is saying such things that nothing they think about another person, or the aesthetics of anything or anyone they see, is their own idea, tastes or opinions. They’re pawns who should, and will in the future, find everything and everyone beautiful because people come in all shapes and sizes, but it’s a fool errand to NOTICE that and like certain shapes vs others. And, even if they do, PLEASE do not share that, even with, what you think is, a positive comment. If you like someone’s tattoos or clear skin, making that comment will only hurt those with no tattoos or acne.

2. Judge People Who Create Clothes or Fashion (or write fashion blogs, etc)

While it’s fine to go out and choose which clothes to buy, it’s not okay that people have made that clothing and had an opinion of how it should look! Fashion designers are fascists (clothes nazis). They want you to conform to their narrow view of how their garment should be worn. And so, they have women of certain body types (FYI, they’re not fat girls) traipse up and down a catwalk (CATwalk? Are women animals now?!) displaying their close-minded uniforms of conformity. People who do this are evil and people who subscribe to their ideology are too. There are too many options for dress in stores, actually, it’s sickening. It leaves way too much room for opinions of what is being worn and HOW it’s being worn (both opinions are wrong, always!). In the future, there will be one, shapeless sack that everyone will wear (or not wear, which will be 100% fine too) so that there can be no judgements, opinions or tastes that might marginalize someone elses judgement, opinion or taste.

3. Physically Attack People Who Notice Bodies and Share Them

If you’re going to post a picture on social media that shows the type of body you have, want or want someone you want to have, you’re going to be shamed and attacked for good reason! Spreading ideas like “Real Women Have Curves” or “Real Men Have Pecks”, even just by posting images illustrating your “tastes” (remember, taste in the human form or anything else is wrong), you are EXCLUDING all the other types and that is wrong! Do you want a kick to the shoulder? Any positive message is a negative message to whomever the positive message is NOT about! Don’t be proud of your body, unless it’s exactly like everyone elses body (which it never will be, because, for some ungodly reason we’re all different). Also, if a thing is like another thing, don’t create a convenient short-hand to describe it. For example: If a girl has a figure which is similar to that of a small boy, don’t say “boyish figure”, just in case that girl doesn’t want to be thought of in that way. Unless she has expressly told you that she dresses in such a way to hide any curves or bumps that are often associated with women (that’s an evil stereotype) in which case you can secretly take her aside and compliment her on how “boyish” she looks.

4. Chastise Fat People Who Cringe When You Say They’re Fat

Good practise is to approach anyone with layers of fatty tissue on their bodies and audibly observe (but quietly as not to offend skinny people who wish they were fat), not with words like “big boned” or “fluffy”, that they have fat parts. If they cringe and shrink away at your aggressive advances, they are wrongly insecure and should be shamed! Yell at them! Tell them that there IS fat on their bodies and that may or may not be a healthy or unhealthy thing, but either way, they should be 100% fine and confident in how they look at any given time and just “get over” all these EVIL cultural stereotypes which have imprisoned them with fashion designers as wardens. And if a woman acts insecure because you observe that you can see her ribcage through her chest, kick those stick legs out from under her and tell her she should be proud that she’s emaciated and NOT shy away from it!

5. Ironically Compare People Who Compare Other People to Things

Look, if someone is going to observe another person’s (or even their own) body for the rest of the world to observe (via facebook or twitter, etc) and compare it to, let’s say, food (muffin top, pear shaped), then you should tell them they’re as dumb as a fence post (or something equally as witty)! Yes, one might find the shape of a girl’s butt ideal if it matches that of an apple (they only think that because those demonic fashion designers make jeans to accentuate it), but if you think that, you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed (but you are a tool). The shape of people’s bodies are not comparable to food (they are, but they shouldn’t be)!

6. Slap Anyone Who is Anything Other than Indifferent to Anybody’s Body

It doesn’t matter if someone comes in shouting exultations because they lost 10 pounds with Jenny Craig, you do not praise or condemn anything about anybody’s body EVER! If you see someone congratulating someone who has bulked up, lost weight, done a lot of squats so they have an apple bottom (sorry) or built those shoulders till they’re beefy (“beef” is also a food, sorry), slap them! Slap them and say, “They’ve always been beautiful and it has nothing to do with their body, because their body doesn’t matter and might as well not exist”. If a person doesn’t mention their weight loss, you may be tempted to congratulate them for being indifferent and not valuing their body one way or the other, but even that is a bit too observant. Don’t ever notice anything about a body, think of something else to compliment (but not their clothes).

7. Use Pretend Compliments on Idiots

If someone says, “You’re really brave to wear that” to someone who is fat (remember, fat is neither good nor bad) you should respond with, “You’re really brave to say something so utterly stupid”. They’re not brave, they’re stupid! Any time someone mentions anything bodily related, just give them some sort of backhanded compliment like that. The sad part is, they probably won’t notice, because they’re probably mentally disabled or gay (a lot of gays are fashion designers, for instance).

8. Insult ANYONE Who Observes What Bodies Can Do!

Women are able to make babies inside their bodies (I feel tense writing this), you should NEVER mention this! Certain things might be viewed as good for making babies (big hips, for instance), this is sexist and gross. That goes for tall people who could do well in basketball or people who have long “piano fingers”. Just because you think someone can do something with their bodies, doesn’t mean they want to or really can. Also, if a fat kid with little sausage fingers (“sausage” to describe fingers is offensive) overhears you complimenting Mr. Longdigits, he might give up before ever becoming Elton John. If anyone makes any observations of this kind, jump right down their throats and tell them they have a good brain for smashing against a wall. Idiots!

9. People Who Talk About Fitness Should Be Crucified

There are too many people out there who work out, have learned techniques, think they’re pros and want to share it. Leave that to the professionals (who should be professional enough to avoid talking about it). The last thing anyone wants to hear about are ways to “improve” their bodies. The main reason is, there’s nothing to improve! A body is never better or worse, it just is and even if it wasn’t, even if there were healthier and less healthy bodies, there would be no way in HELL to observe that with the naked eye. That could be a healthy gut on that guy, “gaunt” MIGHT be someone’s optimal weight, you don’t know, you ignorant prick!

10. People Who Think They Know Anything About Diet Should Be Shot

There may be study after study about different types of fat and where it would sit on the human body and which of those fats are “fine” and which will “kill you”, but who the hell are you to ingest that information and then regurgitate it all over other people? We didn’t tell you to ingest the information, don’t tell us not to ingest cheeseburgers. Keep that vomitous information to yourself. Keep those puke ideas in your cheeks! There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to diet that can be freely and openly shared with anyone! Just because you think kale is healthy or quinoa is a superfood, that might not be the case for me, so shut-up, moron! You want me to be healthy, happy and strong? Those things are all relative concepts that don’t exist in reality. They’re cultural constructs and ideologies that only you blind sheep follow, lead by the fashion designers and skinny pop stars.

Aside

S01E21.5 Exam Answer Key: Semester I

Here are your answers for this semester’s exam. PLEASE do not listen to this until you’ve completed your exam!
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Have a great week! Semester dismissed.

Aside

S01E21 Exam: Semester I

Click this sentence or the image below to download exam!podcast

Please follow the instructions on page 5 and try your best!

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Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

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Have a great week! Class dismissed.

Audio

S01E20 Interview: David Green

podcastThis is the last episode of this semester on The JK Around Podcast. It’s an honour to interview the daddy of his local scene (in Niagara of Canada), the master of words, David Green. There’s a lot of learning in this episode, students!

We start out immediately wondering if David will ever be transgendered. And right away, David comes out with rich puns in the conversation.

David’s staple comedy style is “puns” or parrotphenezia. Joel asks if all wordplay is puns (because all puns are wordplay). Tune in to learn the answer!!

Of course, the intense idea of puns in other languages comes out. David mentions “The Art of the Pun”, a dissection of puns and wordplay and how it has evolved. Suddenly, puns don’t seem like a simple thing as some thing, but a very intellectual comedy joke type.

Assignment: Read that book and scan us your full book report!

Showing his intellectuality, David asks us where the magic goes after we take it out of the comedy. Our answers are interesting!

This leads to the questions, “are all jokes playing with words?” That is answered too, it seems. Of course, surprise comedy comes up again (mark it in your notebooks, students)!

The conversation organically moves to a chat about NEEDING magic. Yes, we take it out in this podcast, but what do you do if you don’t have any more magic? Don’t worry, we’ll all still have magic. Learn how… by listening!

Kevin asks David if there’s something magical that happened which inspired him to do even more than 20 whole comedy shows! Well, of course, David talks about FUN raising! Because if you don’t raise awareness that there’s fun, no one will know there’s fun.

Through the story we’re taken into the world of zany face comedy! This style was pioneered by the likes of Mike Myers, Jim Carey, Pee-Wee Herman, Weird “Al” Yankovic.

Then Joel pioneers a little idea of his own involving the comedy of Mitch Hepberg and Steven Wright: Idea Puns! This idea is very controversial as both David and Kevin don’t agree with his brilliant idea.

Assignment: Weigh in on this debate! Tweet or Facebook your opinion about this serious issue please!

We jump straight into “What’s the Difference Between Me and You?“!

The segment opens a great big ball of wax which is about “timelessness”! How do you create timeless comedy? We discuss the David on stage vs off stage. How is he different? Listen… you’ll get to know the tickle monster.

Then David Green “Gives Us a Handle“!

A great segment of “Can I Be Your?” is next. Pretty solid!

Suddenly, we do “Comedy Soup” and it is quite delicious!

David blew our minds, follow him on the inter webs and enjoy his pun a day!

David on Facebook!

David on twitter!

David’s Website!

Check out our YOUTUBE page, share our podcast clips with your friends!

Subscribe on iTunes!! And RATE and REVIEW us!!

Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

Our twitter: twitter.com/thejkaround

Facebooker? Like: facebook.com/thejkaround

Kevin the Great’s Blog: http://itskevinthegreatblog.tumblr.com

Have a great week! Class dismissed.

Audio

S01E19 Tribute: Margaret Cho

podcastWe start the podcast with a sad message about the end of the semester of The JK Around podcast (season 1). We mention School’s out for the summer by Alice Cooper. It’s time for summer vacation! It’s time for recess.

We discuss the different climates in other parts of the world and how they don’t build very much character from whence to draw one’s comedy. We list many things that the Nation has which makes us richer of character.

Garry Shandling said, “As a comedian, you need to have something to pull from. You need to have life so you can pull comedy from it.” And we confirm that there’s no comedy in basketball, even in the film “White Man Can’t Jump”. And a city like New York is rich with Latinos, Delis and snow: it’s funny!

And then it’s time to draw the name: Margaret Cho!

Winner of the Last Comic Standing, she is a big, loud, scary, ambiguously female comedian! We discuss her subtle surprise comedy which comes from cultural stereotypes. What are they?

To set the stage for Cho’s comedy, we first discuss her rich heritage from the history of China to amazing Asian cuisine!

We get into the rich discussion of gender classifications. And how these things get confused with the various Asians with ESL speech. This leads naturally to an interesting discourse about bigotry and the moral slip and slide of various cultures. It’s hard to talk about these things without mentioning black slavery, so yes, they go there!

Cho wears a lot of make-up like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. To help understand Cho, we describe Drew Carey’s career and that of Wayne Brady! Using the genius of Wayne Brady, we can see where Cho gets  her depth.

Then we ground our students and John Travolta.

Then the gang describes some of the lovely gifts that they’ve received because of the show. This leads to honouring the brilliance of blond jokes. And then there’s a sneak peak into how the boys conduct their business meetings with Gil, their manager.

Assignment: Expose your arsenal to us on Facebook or twitter. Send us images and jokes that are inside your arsenal.

Assignment too: Treat us like the teachers and abuse us online. Send us rude jokes. “Put the gum under the desk” as Kevin said. Because this is a classroom. Be irreverent!

And then we do “What If?” What if Margaret Cho were the stinger on a bee? Would it destroy the comedy infrastructure?!

Check out our YOUTUBE page, share our podcast clips with your friends!

Subscribe on iTunes!! And RATE and REVIEW us!!

Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

Our twitter: twitter.com/thejkaround

Facebooker? Like: facebook.com/thejkaround

Kevin the Great’s Blog: http://itskevinthegreatblog.tumblr.com

Have a great week! Class dismissed.

Quote

Theme Song Lyrics

podcastComedy Soup
We give you ingredients for a comedy joke
And you make the soup
Where’s the soup?

Can I Be Your?
Times were crazy, but I was happy
I held your hand and we walked by the sea
Can I be your? Can I be your?
Can I be your?

Tweets
That comedian, oh, why’s the guy so funny?
Comedian, oh, why are they so funny?
Comedian, I don’t get the joke
Explain the funny to me

Give Us a Handle
Give us a handle on a circumstation
Give us a handle what you would do
What you would do
Give us a handle

What’s the Difference Between Me and You?
What’s the difference between me and you?
You tell a good joke, but it’s slightly different than the jokes I do
My act’s the way it is and I land certain poses
You wear dope shades, but I got rose coloured glasses
What’s the difference between me and you?

Comedy Soup (reprise)
You made the soup
That’s the soup

What If?
What if you were somethin’
Not just a comedian
Let’s use imagination!

Check out our YOUTUBE page, share our podcast clips with your friends!

Subscribe on iTunes!! And RATE and REVIEW us!!

Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

Our twitter: twitter.com/thejkaround

Facebooker? Like: facebook.com/thejkaround

Audio

S01E18 Interview: Justin Laite

podcastThis episode begins with a bit of a weather report, which is unusual for our podcast. It’s the rainy, snowy, beach-weather season in the Nation.

For the second time, a guest begins to talk before they’re introduced on the podcast and it excites the dynamic comedy duo that is the JK Around. The guest is another comedian from Canada, this time Toronto (city).

Our comedian today is Justin Laite! They get right into the conversation by discussing the sure fire, 100% score of a joke which is a pun on his last name. Every comedian needs these jokes in their arsenal. Justin describes himself as creative AND clever.

Then the team gets into discussing a literal gravy train which ends up leading us into the fact that Justin used to be a little overweight. Spoiler alert: he is now straight built like a brick house.Justin3

Before getting too much into the weight story, we meet Jay Freebourne who came to the nation with Justin. He’s also a comedian and sits in on our podcast. We didn’t shun him or treat him like he was imposing, Joel and Kevin welcomed him gladly. Don’t worry, he doesn’t say much.

Justin has a Twitter account and so does Jay (Jay’s Twitter), but they don’t use them much. Still… follow them.

Justin2Joel then asks the important question about whether getting fit was a negative in Justin’s comedy. You have GOT to hear his answer! It will ASTOUND you!

We then discuss the people of poverty in the nation who throw parades, confetti and celebrate incoming tourists for tips.Justin1

Then we get the skinny (hilarious pun intended) on Justin’s Japanese Sumo wrestling days.  This was when he lived in a Cape Breton Trailer Park. And the reveal comes that he is the HULK HOGAN of comedy! This is only the first reveal. There’s an even bigger one later!

Then we hear a beautiful story about a commercial Justin did for which he gained a sample of the deodorant he was selling and a ROYAL BLUE towel (as seen in said commercial)!

Then they discuss dreams and who you can be in your dreams (whoever you want)! And what Kevin would do with muscles and if Justin feels alienated because comedians are ugly, but he’s hot now.

And then we learn that Justin is the king of the riffs in Toronto. He takes a subject and riffs on it! We learn HOW! He also writes on stage, which we discussed in earlier ‘casts. How does that inform his riffs? And then the idea of crowd work comes up. How does that fit in?! (Tune in!)

They discuss the comedy of Zack Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion and how Justin is basically a fit Zack.

So, then they get into the segments starting with “What’s the Difference Between Me and You?” Through this segment, there is a very incredible reveal, which I won’t give away here.

Then we get into “Give us a Handle“!

The next segment is “Tweets” and it sucks again.

Then we do “Can I Be Your” with a bit of an urban slant to it. Spoiler alert: it’s pretty dope!

Next we get right into “Comedy Soup“!

You can befriend Justin on his PERSONAL FACEBOOK!! (click that sentence)

Or find him on Twitter here!

Or follow Jay Freeborn here!

Check out our YOUTUBE page, share our podcast clips with your friends!

Subscribe on iTunes!! And RATE and REVIEW us!!

Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

Our twitter: twitter.com/thejkaround

Facebooker? Like: facebook.com/thejkaround

Kevin the Great’s Blog: http://itskevinthegreatblog.tumblr.com

Have a great week! Class dismissed.

Video

S01E17.5 Extra Credit: Ylvis – Stonehenge

podcast

We talk about the song Massachusetts and break it down line by line. Enjoy!
(You can DOWNLOAD the song on iTunes, LIKE them on Facebook and watch the video below).

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Assignment: Give us your ideas of what the purpose of Stonehenge could be!

Questions or comments? Email: thejkaround@gmail.com

Our twitter: twitter.com/thejkaround

Facebooker? Like: facebook.com/thejkaround

Kevin the Great’s Blog: http://itskevinthegreatblog.tumblr.com

Have a great week! Class dismissed.